Panic Maelstrom
I don't want to new year to be here........ But it already is.
I don't want to grow up at all................... But I will in two days.
I don't want to take the As....................... Yeah what then drop out and be a road sweeper??
I don't want to captain the team ............. Woot a great way to go for the gold then huh??
I don't want to take Hist S ....................... So drop it! And don't regret it pfft!
I don't want to have a whirlwind life....... You made your choice, live with it.
I don't want to be scared.......................... But I am...
Suddenly the new year hits and shit hits the ceiling. Tmr school's gonna start. And its not just gonna be school. Hockey, jerseys, sir's book, homework, hist s, gp essay, agm, competition, camp, trials, dsa, trainings, cip, recas, floorball, lectures, tutorials, maths, lit, everything... I'm scared I'll screw up. Really scared. I've shunned responsiblity as much as I could ever since Secondary school after that stint as vhp. Commitment phobia. I've always been a coward, never going all the way for the fear that I'd never measure up. I just want to be a hermit sometimes, stuck and safe in my own small bubble of a world. Drop everything, every darn responsiblity, every darn problem, and live within myself. Of course, I wouldn't dare to. Told you I'm a coward. This year came too soon, I'm not prepared! I'm not ready... Will I ever be ready? Rofl. Nope. I just want to stick myself in this puddle of self-pity and cowardice, and never grow up. Never have to be responsible for myself AND others. Never have to swallow your pride and admit your wrong. Never have to shoulder the consequences. Never have to start thinking for myself about what I want to do, where I want to go... It's so final... Growing up.
I dastardly hope that in a month's, or two month's or even six month's time, I can look back upon my initial depression and panic of the new year and LAUGH the fucking head off it. I'm so scared I'll try too hard and never get it. At least I'm scared. It shows I still give a fuck about my life and everything else. I'm gonna give it my best this year. Gonna stop hiding between what-could-have-beens and what-may-have-beens. Gonna stop shirking the musts, the shoulds and the have-tos. Gonna give every best shot I can and more.
I'm gonna be me.
Welcome to 2006.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
I don't want to grow up at all................... But I will in two days.
I don't want to take the As....................... Yeah what then drop out and be a road sweeper??
I don't want to captain the team ............. Woot a great way to go for the gold then huh??
I don't want to take Hist S ....................... So drop it! And don't regret it pfft!
I don't want to have a whirlwind life....... You made your choice, live with it.
I don't want to be scared.......................... But I am...
Suddenly the new year hits and shit hits the ceiling. Tmr school's gonna start. And its not just gonna be school. Hockey, jerseys, sir's book, homework, hist s, gp essay, agm, competition, camp, trials, dsa, trainings, cip, recas, floorball, lectures, tutorials, maths, lit, everything... I'm scared I'll screw up. Really scared. I've shunned responsiblity as much as I could ever since Secondary school after that stint as vhp. Commitment phobia. I've always been a coward, never going all the way for the fear that I'd never measure up. I just want to be a hermit sometimes, stuck and safe in my own small bubble of a world. Drop everything, every darn responsiblity, every darn problem, and live within myself. Of course, I wouldn't dare to. Told you I'm a coward. This year came too soon, I'm not prepared! I'm not ready... Will I ever be ready? Rofl. Nope. I just want to stick myself in this puddle of self-pity and cowardice, and never grow up. Never have to be responsible for myself AND others. Never have to swallow your pride and admit your wrong. Never have to shoulder the consequences. Never have to start thinking for myself about what I want to do, where I want to go... It's so final... Growing up.
I dastardly hope that in a month's, or two month's or even six month's time, I can look back upon my initial depression and panic of the new year and LAUGH the fucking head off it. I'm so scared I'll try too hard and never get it. At least I'm scared. It shows I still give a fuck about my life and everything else. I'm gonna give it my best this year. Gonna stop hiding between what-could-have-beens and what-may-have-beens. Gonna stop shirking the musts, the shoulds and the have-tos. Gonna give every best shot I can and more.
I'm gonna be me.
Welcome to 2006.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
posted by fallen star at 3:01 PM
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