Ponderings

YL just mailed me to ask me to rethink regarding running for elections as Capt. Oh gosh, totally stressing me out a little because

1) my immediate reaction is "Yada~~~!"
2) I wanna relax a little, have some space to "shake leg" in Year 4
3) I wanna take on a part-time job
4) if I stay in hall, I definitely won't be able to resist joining 3million4hundred6thousandand1 little things
5) but if I take up captaincy then I have to focus on that! >.<
6) I don't wanna end up disliking floorball like in year 2
7) I want to improve as a player - as far as I can!! ~selfish I know >.<~
8) I'm not sure I can do it at all...
9) the captain sets the direction huh, but what direction do I myself have?!


Yet, some part of me says...

10) I'm just being a coward and that I SHOULD step up...
11) I'm just being lazy not wanting to be shouldering responsibilities
12) technically, I'm one of the 'better' candidates so I should do it for the team
13) or for YL
14) maybe I'm just being scared of taking on too much, and pushing my limits and expectations again, so
15) I'm just making stupid excuses!!

BUT!

16) I don't want my studies to nosedive (okay not like i put in alot of effort usually... but stillll)
17) am I really worthy?!
18) I won't be back till July! and once again, I won't be able to help with anything! like trials, or coaching comm decisions, or holiday trainings
19) and I've been away for ONE YEAR. the year1s don't even know me!!
20) alamakkkkk... most importantly, why don't I want to do it...?

ARGH.

I really dislike such decisions. And dislike is just a really nice way of putting it.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~