the sad side of life
from my lj, took it out from there cuz i felt it didnt fit in there, so thus its here:
"i realised i'm a rather rigid person. more like i get it thrown into my face since i've joined hockey. by like not only one person, but sir, teammates, seniors even today. hahaa. i think it just happens that sometimes i try to rmb too many things, and the ones that always surface first in my mind is probly the wrong priority one. and i dont think when i play. neva been in team games before like this sort. and also sometimes i just think because if we arent good enough yet, we shld just have a fixed system then work it out slowly. after all, if u expect to do wonders with all the images u have in ur head, yet dont have the skills/content to support it then in the end not only u suffer, but ur team suffers too... hoho. im just a pig who always wants my own way. luckily im not a blonde. can u imagine a blonde pig? freaking disgusting. pink AND blonde. yuck.
sometimes i think im too rash too. in the haste to get things done, coupled with the irritation and exasperation of the non-responsiveness, i make decisions/do things some way that i somewhat regret later. perhaps i should have just forced all of them to sit down, talk abt the pros and cons and stuff abt being _______ then let them pick or better still volunteer. sigh. but then again... oh well. i had my reasons for picking her. and i feel they are quite solid. except mbbe in terms of ppl and relationships and stuff.... oh well. what's done's done. i hope she'll be okay with me like prodding her at the side probly. knowing how i "micro-manage". pfft."
sigh. i kinda regret it now. a captain no matter how tiny and unrecognised the role actually is, should never be one that the team mates fear... fuck me. fuck my impatience. fuck my lousy choice.
i'm in quite a bad mood today. first i find out something that apparently goes on with fy and mary then t sai refuses to tell me the blog or anything and she's probly in a fucking bad mood and im not exactly in a good mood so i'm so not going to make her smile. on the way home, a stupid lil bird just had to shit on my arm too. i wuz so pissed. its the second time a bird shit on me. its quite weird tho. apparently chinese consider it good luck; i just think its damn gross, damn rubbery and damn damn unhygienic.
went to aviva today with my mum. she said my dad wuz kinda sulking and didnt wanna go so i took his season ticket. he just doesnt usually like to watch the finals i guess. the surprising highlight of the day wuznt taufik for me, but rather the women's doubles. altho it wuz another all-chinese affair, but it was really a damn good match. the younger pair (zhang dan and zhang yawen) are rather fresh on the scene and came from 9-1 to bt the more exp'd pair (gao ling and huang sui). zhang yw wuz esp good cuz her reflexes were so damn fast she could return so many aggressive shots. plus the teamwork between the two zhangs was sound. someone to look out for in my opinion in future.
funny thing. i seem to meet him every time i go aviva. i wuz kinda wondering if i'd see him this time, seeing how i somehow always ran into him but usually in preliminary rounds. and this year i only went for finals, and there were SO many ppl! less chance of meeting him still. hohoo. but i ended up sitting diagonally in front of him and didnt realise till much later. hes still quite cute but complexion has died. puberty i guess. he rmbs me im pretty sure. he's always been the one to call out my name when he passed me by tho i'd take some time to realise who he was. i'd just smile anyway tho. he's younger than me and thats all i can rmb. and i kno his name or at least how to say it. but not sure how to spell haha. hes cool. wonder if i'll see him next year hoho. =) he wuz kinda the only nice part of the day i guess. sigh
haha i find it quite funny btw. i just told ha rshil that he got it wrong that im not vice capt. but i didnt confirm anything else like whether i lied to him or not or if im nothing. i dont like telling ppl im capt but i dont like them thinking that im something im not either. two diff things entirely. quite funny. wonder what he'll do when/if he finds out.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
"i realised i'm a rather rigid person. more like i get it thrown into my face since i've joined hockey. by like not only one person, but sir, teammates, seniors even today. hahaa. i think it just happens that sometimes i try to rmb too many things, and the ones that always surface first in my mind is probly the wrong priority one. and i dont think when i play. neva been in team games before like this sort. and also sometimes i just think because if we arent good enough yet, we shld just have a fixed system then work it out slowly. after all, if u expect to do wonders with all the images u have in ur head, yet dont have the skills/content to support it then in the end not only u suffer, but ur team suffers too... hoho. im just a pig who always wants my own way. luckily im not a blonde. can u imagine a blonde pig? freaking disgusting. pink AND blonde. yuck.
sometimes i think im too rash too. in the haste to get things done, coupled with the irritation and exasperation of the non-responsiveness, i make decisions/do things some way that i somewhat regret later. perhaps i should have just forced all of them to sit down, talk abt the pros and cons and stuff abt being _______ then let them pick or better still volunteer. sigh. but then again... oh well. i had my reasons for picking her. and i feel they are quite solid. except mbbe in terms of ppl and relationships and stuff.... oh well. what's done's done. i hope she'll be okay with me like prodding her at the side probly. knowing how i "micro-manage". pfft."
sigh. i kinda regret it now. a captain no matter how tiny and unrecognised the role actually is, should never be one that the team mates fear... fuck me. fuck my impatience. fuck my lousy choice.
i'm in quite a bad mood today. first i find out something that apparently goes on with fy and mary then t sai refuses to tell me the blog or anything and she's probly in a fucking bad mood and im not exactly in a good mood so i'm so not going to make her smile. on the way home, a stupid lil bird just had to shit on my arm too. i wuz so pissed. its the second time a bird shit on me. its quite weird tho. apparently chinese consider it good luck; i just think its damn gross, damn rubbery and damn damn unhygienic.
went to aviva today with my mum. she said my dad wuz kinda sulking and didnt wanna go so i took his season ticket. he just doesnt usually like to watch the finals i guess. the surprising highlight of the day wuznt taufik for me, but rather the women's doubles. altho it wuz another all-chinese affair, but it was really a damn good match. the younger pair (zhang dan and zhang yawen) are rather fresh on the scene and came from 9-1 to bt the more exp'd pair (gao ling and huang sui). zhang yw wuz esp good cuz her reflexes were so damn fast she could return so many aggressive shots. plus the teamwork between the two zhangs was sound. someone to look out for in my opinion in future.
funny thing. i seem to meet him every time i go aviva. i wuz kinda wondering if i'd see him this time, seeing how i somehow always ran into him but usually in preliminary rounds. and this year i only went for finals, and there were SO many ppl! less chance of meeting him still. hohoo. but i ended up sitting diagonally in front of him and didnt realise till much later. hes still quite cute but complexion has died. puberty i guess. he rmbs me im pretty sure. he's always been the one to call out my name when he passed me by tho i'd take some time to realise who he was. i'd just smile anyway tho. he's younger than me and thats all i can rmb. and i kno his name or at least how to say it. but not sure how to spell haha. hes cool. wonder if i'll see him next year hoho. =) he wuz kinda the only nice part of the day i guess. sigh
haha i find it quite funny btw. i just told ha rshil that he got it wrong that im not vice capt. but i didnt confirm anything else like whether i lied to him or not or if im nothing. i dont like telling ppl im capt but i dont like them thinking that im something im not either. two diff things entirely. quite funny. wonder what he'll do when/if he finds out.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
posted by fallen star at 9:15 PM
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