Getting the Emo Out
I have to say it hurt, at least a little. Something inside squeezed... and died, a little. I just wish that it would die completely. Because sometimes I don't know why but I imagine and desperately hope for the most optimistic and least realistic outcomes. My mind tells me my thoughts are bullshit, but my heart still hopes so hard for those same thoughts. Wtf is wrong with me?
I put your picture away
I sat down and cried today
Maybe I just need to cry. But I don't know where and when. Maybe I should go be girly and grab like a cry-ey movie and ice cream even though I gave 3/4 of the ice cream bought earlier to someone just cuz I didn't feel like eating it. Maybe I just need to let it out, because I don't think I've ever ever let it all out... Rationally I know it's part of the process to move on, but I think I'm too fixated on saving-face and keeping in line with some sorta stupid image I have in my head of myself. I am so laughable really.
I have so much going for me; why do I stay clinging on to the past? WHY? Is it really him? Or is it just the feeling of intimacy with someone else? Loneliness?
And how come guys can get girls so quickly?? I guess some girls get guys really quick too -eyes the roomie-.
Come on come on Break my heart again
For old time's sake.
Yeah that'd be good. Maybe then I'd finally learn my lesson and let go.
I'm writing this because I will look back on this one day and chuckle at it.
A change would do you good
I think a change would do you good
Yeah, you think so too? I guess so.
I think the key issue is: I need to learn to love myself.
I think part of the problem was the fact that half the time in the relationship I was probably like half-surprised somewhere that he'd be together with me and half-afraid he'd stop liking me when he got to know me. Probably hurt so hard that he stopped liking me first - my greatest fear - and I probably still didn't have all that clean an emotional break. I guess the breakup took away some of my selfconfidence and I've never really known how to restore it. The feeling of doubting that you're even a person worth loving or lovable enough for others to take notice of -- not nice. Not nice at all.
I do believe
That not everything's gonna be the way you think it oughtta be
Seems like everytime I try to make it right it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
I shall believe.
Yes me, please don't give up on me.
(I love this random song lyrics thing haha.)
I put your picture away
I sat down and cried today
Maybe I just need to cry. But I don't know where and when. Maybe I should go be girly and grab like a cry-ey movie and ice cream even though I gave 3/4 of the ice cream bought earlier to someone just cuz I didn't feel like eating it. Maybe I just need to let it out, because I don't think I've ever ever let it all out... Rationally I know it's part of the process to move on, but I think I'm too fixated on saving-face and keeping in line with some sorta stupid image I have in my head of myself. I am so laughable really.
I have so much going for me; why do I stay clinging on to the past? WHY? Is it really him? Or is it just the feeling of intimacy with someone else? Loneliness?
And how come guys can get girls so quickly?? I guess some girls get guys really quick too -eyes the roomie-.
Come on come on Break my heart again
For old time's sake.
Yeah that'd be good. Maybe then I'd finally learn my lesson and let go.
I'm writing this because I will look back on this one day and chuckle at it.
A change would do you good
I think a change would do you good
Yeah, you think so too? I guess so.
I think the key issue is: I need to learn to love myself.
I think part of the problem was the fact that half the time in the relationship I was probably like half-surprised somewhere that he'd be together with me and half-afraid he'd stop liking me when he got to know me. Probably hurt so hard that he stopped liking me first - my greatest fear - and I probably still didn't have all that clean an emotional break. I guess the breakup took away some of my selfconfidence and I've never really known how to restore it. The feeling of doubting that you're even a person worth loving or lovable enough for others to take notice of -- not nice. Not nice at all.
I do believe
That not everything's gonna be the way you think it oughtta be
Seems like everytime I try to make it right it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
I shall believe.
Yes me, please don't give up on me.
(I love this random song lyrics thing haha.)
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
Labels: life, reflection
posted by fallen star at 4:07 AM
1 Comments:
J,
I know you're a very strong person. I think its always hard when you try to compare the reality (brain) with your idealistic image (heart).
Also, don't concern yourself with what other people (him or the roomie) are doing. Just focus on yourself. I know everything will work out for you... just be patient. You are always trying so hard and being so outgoing that I can't imagine you'll stay depressed for long.
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