Take One Step Back
Today's probably a good day to trigger off some review of what's going on - in my life and in my head - so far. I think I've needed a wake-up call for some time now, but never really got down to making time for it. IHG's been going on for close to 2 months now? And that's excluding the trainings, which intensified in december last year, making that almost 3 straight months of non-stop sports and commitments. I guess I'm starting to burn out. And it's still not the end yet.
I guess my name's in more team lists than ever this year, but it's starting to feel really empty at times, especially when I cannot really commit to the trainings and even the matches, making me feel like a hypocrite or a fake even. And even for those that I've made the huge effort to attend trainings (like badminton and soccer), I feel even less important and more useless than ever, or at least last year. Sigh. It kept bugging me: What's the point of taking on so many things and making myself so stressed and tired, but I just end up feeling so empty?
A hectic life does not automatically equate to a meaningful life; I think it's high time I stepped back and took heed of what I'm actually doing or promising, and also to ascertain my own limits. Time to re-focus. I'm losing sight of what's really priority, what really are the things that will make or break, and even the who that are important. IHG and hall certainly can be an unforgettable experience, but even then, it's not always one; some end up just being reminders of the pointless trivialities that people often seem mindlessly intent on, but others certainly bring a sense of attachment that I'm sure can be found nowhere else.
I certainly remember the resolution I made almost 4 years ago, after seeing my secondary school life just drift by in a sleepy haze. But as much as I'm stepping up to opportunities now, am I really moving forward? Or walking the treadmill and fooling myself?
For the trainings I attend, I'm missing out on friends. For the matches and carnivals I play, I'm missing out on family. For the saikang work I do, I'm missing out on my studies. As much as I enjoy being a part of hall and contributing, I have to have to remember that I am always a daughter/sister first, a student next and a friend. Most of all, I have to remember that I am but a mere human; and humans have limits.
I guess balance is the key, for I'm certainly not going to give up on hall right now - not when it's halfway through, and not when I might never have another chance at this again. But I definitely have to be more discernible about what I take up and why, because not everything that glimmers is gold and not everything is done with a purpose.
Take one step back, babe. And breathe.
I guess my name's in more team lists than ever this year, but it's starting to feel really empty at times, especially when I cannot really commit to the trainings and even the matches, making me feel like a hypocrite or a fake even. And even for those that I've made the huge effort to attend trainings (like badminton and soccer), I feel even less important and more useless than ever, or at least last year. Sigh. It kept bugging me: What's the point of taking on so many things and making myself so stressed and tired, but I just end up feeling so empty?
A hectic life does not automatically equate to a meaningful life; I think it's high time I stepped back and took heed of what I'm actually doing or promising, and also to ascertain my own limits. Time to re-focus. I'm losing sight of what's really priority, what really are the things that will make or break, and even the who that are important. IHG and hall certainly can be an unforgettable experience, but even then, it's not always one; some end up just being reminders of the pointless trivialities that people often seem mindlessly intent on, but others certainly bring a sense of attachment that I'm sure can be found nowhere else.
I certainly remember the resolution I made almost 4 years ago, after seeing my secondary school life just drift by in a sleepy haze. But as much as I'm stepping up to opportunities now, am I really moving forward? Or walking the treadmill and fooling myself?
For the trainings I attend, I'm missing out on friends. For the matches and carnivals I play, I'm missing out on family. For the saikang work I do, I'm missing out on my studies. As much as I enjoy being a part of hall and contributing, I have to have to remember that I am always a daughter/sister first, a student next and a friend. Most of all, I have to remember that I am but a mere human; and humans have limits.
I guess balance is the key, for I'm certainly not going to give up on hall right now - not when it's halfway through, and not when I might never have another chance at this again. But I definitely have to be more discernible about what I take up and why, because not everything that glimmers is gold and not everything is done with a purpose.
Take one step back, babe. And breathe.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
Labels: family, hall, life, reflection, school
posted by fallen star at 7:47 PM
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