Angst Angst
More than a month since I last posted; doesn't mean this month's been uneventful though. Or perhaps, it's been so filled that it's starting to feel monotonous. Yes, indeed.
My floorball has been the pits recently, and I don't even wanna start thinking about how unfit I am. Bad diet and poor sleeping habits don't help much at all. Getting really way too frustrated and flustered during trainings and games, and the worst thing? I don't bloody know how to fix it! SO as much as I'd love to transfer my angst and energy and irritation into useful energy, I really have no clue how or where to!
Exhibition project also irritating me. Projects are so not my thing gosh. I hate the fact that sometimes it really seems as though it's creating a big project out of nothing, and perhaps it's the matter that you have to TRY to be democratic and patient and nice. Sigh.
That jerk is also irritating me. Just his presence and his lack of friendly response when in company. I can't bloody stand it. After much thought and analysis, I've realised that perhaps what I've always wanted so much was just the recognition... and just NOT being ashamed or uncomfortable at being my friend or whatever, in front of other people! That's why Japan was so happy! Sigh. And I guess, that's what I assumed would be natural when we got together, only it got worse... So I know all this already, analysed a shit load, went through a period of irritation, a period of heck-care and now I'm back to being bothered for some bloody fucking reason. I really need to get this, and him, outta my system!
---
I think I'm just... tired. I miss having close guy friends.
My floorball has been the pits recently, and I don't even wanna start thinking about how unfit I am. Bad diet and poor sleeping habits don't help much at all. Getting really way too frustrated and flustered during trainings and games, and the worst thing? I don't bloody know how to fix it! SO as much as I'd love to transfer my angst and energy and irritation into useful energy, I really have no clue how or where to!
Exhibition project also irritating me. Projects are so not my thing gosh. I hate the fact that sometimes it really seems as though it's creating a big project out of nothing, and perhaps it's the matter that you have to TRY to be democratic and patient and nice. Sigh.
That jerk is also irritating me. Just his presence and his lack of friendly response when in company. I can't bloody stand it. After much thought and analysis, I've realised that perhaps what I've always wanted so much was just the recognition... and just NOT being ashamed or uncomfortable at being my friend or whatever, in front of other people! That's why Japan was so happy! Sigh. And I guess, that's what I assumed would be natural when we got together, only it got worse... So I know all this already, analysed a shit load, went through a period of irritation, a period of heck-care and now I'm back to being bothered for some bloody fucking reason. I really need to get this, and him, outta my system!
---
I think I'm just... tired. I miss having close guy friends.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
posted by fallen star at 3:51 AM
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