Adulthood

I feel like the weight of adulthood has suddenly dropped upon my shoulders - first with the quick offer from Apple and push for a decision, second with the long distance relationship, and now in the same short period of time, with the discovery that my dad might be diabetic.

I don't know what to do or think or feel anymore. Crying is tiring and skyping with M had me tear up; listening to his voice recording made me tear up; re-reading the book on love languages makes me smile and tear up; and just looking up the medication i found in my dad's room is making me feel... heady with realisations, expectations, and just the sudden feeling of a ton of weight.

And the worst thing is I just decided that I need to take a break from M. That I have to take a break from us. And so there's noone I can talk to about this. It hurts. I've never hurt so much in my life or recent memory anyway, not since I've learned to seal my feelings and thoughts up, or at least 'run away' from home so I didn't have to pretend to. Suddenly things aren't so simple anymore.

I'm so tired emotionally but the tears just won't stop falling... Especially when I think of how alone my dad must be in this. I don't think he's told anyone and yet he's always driving back 8-12 hours one way to see my grandma who's rapidly losing memory. Painful. Life is painful.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~