went for the wake today. at least i guess she's not suffering anymore. clarissa, daniel and harold were there so it wuznt that boring. but the aircon and incense smoke were killing my eyes and nose respectively. the food wuz not too bad.. i kept eating and eating and eating... such a greedy pig. went past the other tables like 10 times. tuesday there's going to be training again. quite excited abt it... except cant seem to relay my excitement now cuz im slowly drifting into lalaland. my bodyclock is quite accurate these days. slightly before 12 i start zzzz... haha. my complexion is breaking again. ugh. why cant it just stay nice and pretty! darnit.
yesterday when i talked to my mummy, i started realising that life's not gonna wait for me.... slowly, slowly i'll get older... and so will my parents, grandparents... to me, my mum is forever 36 cuz that's like somehow the first time i knew her age i guess. my grandpa had to postpone his cataract surgery due to my great grandma's passing. he's stopped dying his hair black... my grandma suddenly had lots more wrinkles, but still look as queenly as before. she went for a carpal tunnel syndrome surgery thing last year... my paternal grandma is the same age as my maternal great grandma, and she also aged alot recently... plus her hip's been broken a few years ago causing her to have less mobility. life's so .... fast. sigh.
my dad apparently recently had some problems with his eyes.. i'm getting worried. it only strikes me when i stop and think hard enough, that he's nearing 50 already. that's always been the benchmark of the beginning of old age for me... hes starting to slim down though his hair is still thick and black. I can see the first sign of wrinkled skin and tiredness... i feel so sad. i just wish time would take a breather and let me capture the happy and young moments in my head, and never let them change. i want to buy my grandparents a car so they can drive themselves around conveniently. but first they have to live healthily till i can. i want to buy my mum a lil house with a garden in cameron highlands and trips to all round the world to see snow. but first she has to be young enough and fit enough to enjoy it. i want to get my dad guitars, hi-fis, tube amplifiers, a house in ipoh, a car... but first he has to be more than okay to appreciate them... i guess most of all i just want them to be there no matter when...
i'm scared.
yesterday when i talked to my mummy, i started realising that life's not gonna wait for me.... slowly, slowly i'll get older... and so will my parents, grandparents... to me, my mum is forever 36 cuz that's like somehow the first time i knew her age i guess. my grandpa had to postpone his cataract surgery due to my great grandma's passing. he's stopped dying his hair black... my grandma suddenly had lots more wrinkles, but still look as queenly as before. she went for a carpal tunnel syndrome surgery thing last year... my paternal grandma is the same age as my maternal great grandma, and she also aged alot recently... plus her hip's been broken a few years ago causing her to have less mobility. life's so .... fast. sigh.
my dad apparently recently had some problems with his eyes.. i'm getting worried. it only strikes me when i stop and think hard enough, that he's nearing 50 already. that's always been the benchmark of the beginning of old age for me... hes starting to slim down though his hair is still thick and black. I can see the first sign of wrinkled skin and tiredness... i feel so sad. i just wish time would take a breather and let me capture the happy and young moments in my head, and never let them change. i want to buy my grandparents a car so they can drive themselves around conveniently. but first they have to live healthily till i can. i want to buy my mum a lil house with a garden in cameron highlands and trips to all round the world to see snow. but first she has to be young enough and fit enough to enjoy it. i want to get my dad guitars, hi-fis, tube amplifiers, a house in ipoh, a car... but first he has to be more than okay to appreciate them... i guess most of all i just want them to be there no matter when...
i'm scared.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
posted by fallen star at 11:43 PM
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