Odd Saturday

Just had floorball hit-around in the morning, then lunch at SushiTei with a couple of the fbmates... Odd company for me since they're not (all) exactly people I hang out with - in fact two of them I usually try to avoid... But the good food was worth it.

I was also amused by some changed opinions towards a person I was previously attached to... highly amusing because what I've heard recently seems to completely contradict their now good opinion of him. Haha. But that kind of information is totally not for me to share. So I kept quiet.

Ice cream and coffee afterwards too. But after a while I'm just not sure why I'm there really.

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For some odd reason, I thought of looking up old messages/chats with K-vn. And so I did that first thing once I got home. Just reading through them - most of which I don't actually remember - made me smile and smile and smile. Knowing and now recalling that there was once somebody who treasured me like this, even 7 months after I left - and we only knew each other for three months - just amazes me. We still keep in sporadic contact but of course things are no longer the same as 4 years ago. Last time I made a passing statement that if I'm ever in California within the next 2-3 years, I would visit him. But I chickened out since I didn't feel comfortable bringing the bf along. After rereading all the posts now though, I made a silent promise to do so if I ever go to the States again. I owe him, and myself, at least that much.

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I don't know what's with me and special occasions (xmas, new years, bday, vday etc) but I feel like I always drift away from -rather than long for - the r/s on such days... The other night I had a dream with someone else and me in it, and I woke up from the dream feeling all eeky. I have no idea why it was that guy of all people (Ke-n- T-n!!?!?) but he even put his arm around me at some point in the dream and I actually liked it but felt guilty soon after. Omg. Weird ass dreams. Please don't come again. Eek. I need to restart my 2-3 times a week gym routine so that I can just come home and fall dead asleep. Bleh.

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And not sure why, but recently I'm finding it hard to say those three words without feeling superficial and forced... so I haven't been saying it. Hope he's not realising it/being affected though, since this is wholly an issue on my side it seems.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~