Tan-uki

Had dinner with X- at a new place in Orchard - Tanu-ki. Sadly the food did not live up to my expectations nor their prices, but I think it's one of the best times I've had with her in a long while.

Spoke about a lot of things - of life, of love, of decisions, of stress, of work, and unfortunately or fortunately, of bad decisions. Learnt and heard about some really sickening stories too... things that people do to themselves, and to others, in the name of "love". So sick. I still feel sick even now.

Worst thing is finding out that the mystery guy at the beginning of all this turns out to be none other than the ex. And it just brought up all the embarrassment and shame again. Again. This time I shared more with her, because I'm learning to let go, and realising that some things have to be let go. But I still couldn't bring myself to say it all. Some other time, when the time is right and if I feel it necessary for my own sake.


So sickening. Sure, we were on bad terms immediately post breakup, but I never lost respect for him as a person, or a friend. Now, today, after hearing this, I am really not sure I can hide any disgust at and for him.

And on the other hand, it made me thankful that I did not go down a path like poor girl V; I've never thought that I could have chosen any other path of course, but hearing this story and seeing how it's all connected to him, it made me realise how easily I could have been like V; and it makes me appreciate that things have turned out so well, especially with Ma- now. I want to share it with Ma- at some point though, but I know I have to pick the right time. I have to share it, if not I don't think I could ever learn to forgive myself.

I need to forgive myself, I understand that now. But I also know that forgiving oneself is sometimes one of the hardest things to do or face.

Thank goodness for amazing friends like XXYY.
Thank god for Mas.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~