Thought-full

One of those few nights where I can't get to sleep...

Thinking too much of the day that has just passed. Not an entirely bad day, but not the best emotionally.

Thinking of past relationships, of people I can't seem to get over - not in the romantic way, but just of things I wish  I'd said/done then.

Thinking of how I should have handled the game better. Of things I chose to say and not to say. Of how I had behaved and could have behaved.

Thinking of the reckless bus driving. And how the message was coldly received.

Sigh.

Thinking of him. And how I wish so much at times like this that I could just hold his hand and see him smile and get a hug.

And how I end up thinking of other things... like LDR. Sigh.

Conclusion of the night? I should learn to care less.

I really should... I don't know why I get so involved in things that I take part in.

Also, it's only been a month at work, and although I've refrained from saying explicitly that it's boring for (what seems like) the longest time. I think the suppression has come off recently, and I've just been announcing to people who ask, that I'm boreeedddddd.

I really need to learn to be patient and learn to think positively. I thought I was doing so; but perhaps I was simply just suppressing my real feelings and not actually being positive about it.
Instead I should say (and truly mean) that this is the learning period, and I have a long way to go before I am ready to take on the job. It doesn't matter that it's a little slower now - that is actually good for me to get used to the (deskbound) nature of the job and working life.

Be grateful girl, be grateful.

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Tomorrow will be a better day, I hope. Fingers crossed.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~