Friendship + Work = Good or Bad?
Recently I've been feeling strained towards t sai. Like just constantly trying to hold myself from bursting out. I wonder if it's just me and pms + super lack of sleep and too much homework, or is my feeling reasonable...
I wonder if I'm the only one feeling it, but it's like I feel she doesn't really live up to her post. Yes it's true that she has told sir that she has a punctuality problem, yes she's always been like that... but that doesnt mean she has to STAY like that right?! It's like she tells me training she's actually damn on liao but she's still kinda slack... And plus she doesnt really help me with the other admin stuff. That's probably my fault cuz I just don't give her any to do. I just ask her to take charge of ONE training and she gimme black face liao. How the hell am I supposed to ask her to do the other stuff?! Plus like she's been almost always late for trainings recently, and like kept "blaming" me for cheating her feelings on that day when sir suddenly cancelled soccer rematch cuz the sky wuz really dark like about to storm. Then she had to go on and on about how I cheated her feelings and made her change all the way into pe attire and go there... Very hard meh!? I'm sorry la. But I ASKED you all in the first place if you all even wanted to play! AND YOU ALL SAID YES! Is that my freaking fault? And I don't like answers like "anything" "i'm fine with anything" when you obviously aren't! Plus when I ask for advice I'm sure these are soooo gonna help me decide man... Wth. I really wanna tell her about all these, but I kinda know her and we were friends from before this thing.. So I guess that's why they say friends should never become workmates huh.. I guess unless you have the same type of standards and attitude towards the work.... Even El ly yesterday kept mentioned that ts ai's damn AP to me... I never freaking realised it. Lol. It struck me as really quite true.. I can't believe I'm so pathetic. SOOOO Pathetic jjing... soooo pathetic. stupid freaking pushover... wake up man...! Most of the time I see her either she's like moody but saying she's not or I'm trying to cheer her up cuz someone pissed her off or she's damn tired or something. Wtf. What about me?! When I try to start to share something that really means something to me or my feelings, she somehow just starts giving me those shrugs and eye movements.. Ahhh.... I know if I start saying stuff to her she'll just throw it back in my face at inappropriate moments in the future. She's quite distant from hockey too. It's like now she'll be hanging around with some of her other friends or classmates until they leave or something and everyone else is at the table doing something useful... aiya mbbe i'm supposed to call her over or something. but what for. heck whatever. at least i still have the other "on" team members... Hopefully this will change soon.
Sigh. And the worst thing is I feel like I can't tell anyone at all. Because I don't want the atmosphere to turn frosty, even in the least... I hate seeing black faces. Especially if I feel they have no fucking reason to be.
I wonder if I'm the only one feeling it, but it's like I feel she doesn't really live up to her post. Yes it's true that she has told sir that she has a punctuality problem, yes she's always been like that... but that doesnt mean she has to STAY like that right?! It's like she tells me training she's actually damn on liao but she's still kinda slack... And plus she doesnt really help me with the other admin stuff. That's probably my fault cuz I just don't give her any to do. I just ask her to take charge of ONE training and she gimme black face liao. How the hell am I supposed to ask her to do the other stuff?! Plus like she's been almost always late for trainings recently, and like kept "blaming" me for cheating her feelings on that day when sir suddenly cancelled soccer rematch cuz the sky wuz really dark like about to storm. Then she had to go on and on about how I cheated her feelings and made her change all the way into pe attire and go there... Very hard meh!? I'm sorry la. But I ASKED you all in the first place if you all even wanted to play! AND YOU ALL SAID YES! Is that my freaking fault? And I don't like answers like "anything" "i'm fine with anything" when you obviously aren't! Plus when I ask for advice I'm sure these are soooo gonna help me decide man... Wth. I really wanna tell her about all these, but I kinda know her and we were friends from before this thing.. So I guess that's why they say friends should never become workmates huh.. I guess unless you have the same type of standards and attitude towards the work.... Even El ly yesterday kept mentioned that ts ai's damn AP to me... I never freaking realised it. Lol. It struck me as really quite true.. I can't believe I'm so pathetic. SOOOO Pathetic jjing... soooo pathetic. stupid freaking pushover... wake up man...! Most of the time I see her either she's like moody but saying she's not or I'm trying to cheer her up cuz someone pissed her off or she's damn tired or something. Wtf. What about me?! When I try to start to share something that really means something to me or my feelings, she somehow just starts giving me those shrugs and eye movements.. Ahhh.... I know if I start saying stuff to her she'll just throw it back in my face at inappropriate moments in the future. She's quite distant from hockey too. It's like now she'll be hanging around with some of her other friends or classmates until they leave or something and everyone else is at the table doing something useful... aiya mbbe i'm supposed to call her over or something. but what for. heck whatever. at least i still have the other "on" team members... Hopefully this will change soon.
Sigh. And the worst thing is I feel like I can't tell anyone at all. Because I don't want the atmosphere to turn frosty, even in the least... I hate seeing black faces. Especially if I feel they have no fucking reason to be.
~ st*rcr*ss*d ~
posted by fallen star at 12:08 AM
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