tired of being considerate, tired of trying to please everybody, tired of being so goody two shoes, tired of feeling like im just used by ppl, tired of feeling like i dont matter, tired of bugging ppl, tired of having to be responsible, tired of feeling im there for ppl to use as and when they like or discard as and when they dont like, tired of thinking too much when i wanna tell ppl stuff just cuz im scared theyll get pissed or hurt, tired of trying to be the middleman, tired of trying not to bitch, tired of not having anyone who i can just bitch to, tired of always trying to be happier and make ppl smile, tired of my vcapt giving me black face and damn helpful comments, tired of trying to do everything myself because i dont want ppl to feel like theyre burdened, tired of restraining myself when i wanna beat the fuck outta ppl and just scream, tired of getting vibes that ppl think im like too friendly or just fucking weird, tired of my own drive to try and do my best this time, tired of the expectations of all the teachers, tired of all my hesitating and just wasting away those moments of my life, tired ... of just trying to find something meaningful and smile-inducing to do every single day... tired of putting myself down automatically, tired of feeling like a pushover for my friends, tired of them not really seeming to realise it, tired of the hopes my parents have in me, tired of the thought that i still have a year to go, tired of feeling like all that shit is dousing my passion, tired of hearing insults and just bracing for more each time i see him, tired of having to live up a reputation that is so easily built but dastardly hard to rebuild, tired of just not daring, tired of just feeling like a baby... tired of constantly being the one who has to approach and apologise, tired of being the only one whos sensitive to others or mbbe just apparently oversensitive, tired of answers like "uhh anything" "watever" "fine okay"...

i'm just tired, okay? Maybe I just need some rest. Some deep healing sleep.

When you’re down and troubled

And you need a helping handAnd nothing, whoa nothing is going right.

Close your eyes and think of meAnd soon I will be there

To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,

And you know whereever I am

I’ll come running, oh yeah baby

To see you again.

Winter, spring, summer, or fall,

All you have to do is call

And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You’ve got a friend.

Or maybe just to get a friend like that. I really wish... But it's so hard to open oneself up to trust and have that trust thrown back in your face each time because humans are just not perfect but we still somehow expect them to be deep down inside. So each mistake they make, locks up more trust each time and appears just that hairline fissure...

I just need to find peace within myself again.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~