Where'd you go?

Funnily enough, I thought I had settled with myself about just staying local and studying here but there was an unexpectedly strong attack.

I shouldn't have fooled myself that I was totally over it... Just made it worse as I tried to suppress that tsunami of a desire. It's quickly growing stale, even tinged with a sourness & bitterness that I cannot stem.

It never started out as a regret, but it seems that non-regrets can grow and become warts that leave a permanent scar...

After one argument, I almost decided to revise my hostel decision - just like that. That ease of 180degrees change made me even wonder if it was actually all that important to me...

I don't know what I want anymore. I'm not even half sure...
And I'm so sick of pretending to be sure.

I...I still really really really want.... to go study overseas...

I wish my good cheer and optimism would come back to me...

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~