Triggers

Finding out about the HT schedule + Finding out why I got a B for the Japanese History Class last semester (and that my friend who submitted two papers wayyy later got the same grade) + Reading the "short" introduction posts in the class' blog reflection journals and realising that my hopes for a USP-like History Honours class were all dashed and this was just going to be like another online forum = Emo, Angsty, Irritated and Bewildered about why I am still in university doing 1) a course that I'm not even sure I enjoy 2) and doing Honours programme for that too 3) and if that's not enough, making it a difficult year with IVP+IHG+wanting to work. Wow.

Why the hell am I in university? Taking classes that hardly spur my intellectual growth? Leading a team that I'm afraid I will ultimately let down? Playing a sport that I know will go nowhere? Choosing an honours programme and 5-year DDP just because it will supposedly delay my graduation? Still STILL living in hall when I can hardly muster up any enthusiasm for the hall events to fit even through the eye of a needle?!

I thought my JC and Uni years were "waking up" years for me; but there's a sudden revelation that I might have still been asleep all along. How surreal life can feel sometimes.

Bittersweet, painful ache of uncertainty and doubt. Fucking sucks.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~