Disappointment and Self-Disgust

I can't explain the bitterness that lingered and grew once I had submitted my thesis.

It was incomplete, late and definitely less than best work from myself.

I spent the whole day rushing for time; and the moment I got a breather I ran off to play. Wow. How... mature. And play and play and play I did until I forget the time and end up with a messed up appendix. Great.

I never wanted to drown myself in drunken sorrow more before.

Only also because I know I will get a shit grade and it'll be thanks to the noone else but myself. Oh god. What a disgusting feeling.

So so so so bad. I'm not sure I'll ever get over this. I really dunno why I do the stuff I do sometimes. Especially to myself. I have enough things to do besides hijacking my life, and yup I still do it anyway.

Why, jingwen, why?!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~