Lack of Sleep

Last night/this morning, I dreamt that I was getting married. To MasU.

And I woke up feeling very amused for some reason. Yet also perhaps surprised that I wasn't panicking.

But as the day wore on, the panic grew millimetre by millimetre, and whilst its not exactly a mountain-heavy burden right now, it's enough to have a voice repeating in my head, saying: What if it's true? Maybe you should chill and stay away at least just for a bit... just in case...

And being the logical rationalising person my mind is, I gradually put together the contributing factors that must have led to a dream like that. After all they say most of your dreams are your subconscious piecing together things that have been niggling at you in the daytime. And I'm one of those who hardly ever ever dream; or wake up from one remembering even what it was about. So this was interesting.

It starts with the realisation that I was probably amused because of this sentence that I had trouble understanding in the grammar book just yesterday: 夢に見るくらい彼のことが好きです。After a long while, I finally understood it to be something like "For me to see him in my dreams, I must like him." Yet whilst I understood the translation, finally, the concept was still very foreign and mildly amusing to me, simply because it sounded like a reel-life drama storyboard. Imagine my chagrin and yet amusement when I, who hardly ever dream, suddenly dream of something like marriage to someone I have been enjoying the company of.

But! On some level, I do know that it'll never progress, especially because well, it's me. I have this great ability to stop all kinds of possibilities that lead to anything more than friendship, it would seem.

Anyway then I figured out the second clue on why it was a wedding: I had been looking at the portfolio of a super talented wedding photographer, whose perspective is so unique and captivating. That must have led to such an extreme scenario - white dress and all too haha.

Finally, why and who him? As J had said, we had pretty much spent 7.5 hours in the kitchen just cooking, hanging out, playing cards - having fun. Plus two days earlier was banh mi day, so impression of the guy must have been pretty deep.

Haha rationalising dreams makes it seem so much safer, thank goodness.

But, someone explain to me why I find myself always looking to the chat sidebar on FB, and hoping to see that green dot beside his name...?!

Maybe I should start staying away after all... Which shouldn't be too hard seeing how Kyoto, unfinished midterm essays and Scandinavia are all coming up in waves!

Get crackin' girl!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~