Conservative Me

I've never felt as stressed as just 5 mins before today's paper. Yes, I say stressed, and I've never ever said those three words before. Maybe it was just a slight panic attack but shit, it was something new to me. But wow, there was hell lotta adrenaline (and caffeine) rush too.

So I really don't know why you're really making such a huge fuss outta this when I'm already trying so much more than I have before - in all my 12 years of school. The more you show you're concerned, the more I feel like pushing it. It sucks, I'm sorry. I feel glad to be cared for, but I have this tendency to push boundaries to see how far they go. Don't you just wonder if unconditional love/care is actually possible? Hah.

I need to stop living my life in opposition to people.

---

I'm a confirmed conservative. That image/scene shocked me a while and I felt a tad traumatised and okay, disgusted. There I've said it. It was probably an innocent coincidence that they both turned at the same time and reached out for each other, but still... I've barely gotten over the idea that they can sleep together and then that happened. It would have been funny if taken right off some romantic comedy. Would have been...

And she doesn't seem to mind him being touchy and all? I guess for me physical proximity only comes after emotional closeness; it takes quite a lot to break down my emotional barriers. Unfortunately, new ones just keep getting erected. Plus the fact that she's attached? I don't know whether it should make everything okay or not okay. For once, I actually felt some sympathy for the bf. Because I suddenly wondered if he'd be okay with this and if he'd ever get so close... And somehow, I think not.

Poor boy.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~