had netball carn today. in sch for the first time. pretty cool u kno. found out im not supposed to play. haha nvm. rested like 2-3 games. sianz. haha. got sixth overall. not bad i guess =)

'in ur darkest hour, look up and u'll see theres always a star with u' =)

hi. had interhse squash todaY! SO FUN! well my match wuz fun la. haha but aiya a bit sad, only played one match haha. against charmaine this sec 2 or 3 girl from bball i think. if i rmb right. apparently shes an ex squasher. haha so cool. ehh i realised i served differently from everyone. i wonder why they serve the way they do.. hmm... i wanna play more! haha. we got fourth. sounds good right? =P but then tarbet didnt show at all, so that effectively made us last =P lol. but i had fun. i think the girl not very fu qi with me. haha. i tyco tyco then hit wahhh then she cannot return. so cool yah. haha. but now easy cuz like starting out and like not doing all those funny hard stuff. i think im seriously improving my drills. i can push the bar now. and my right foot doesnt rest as often. i realised the way to get it right, is not by thinking and remembering. i rmb i used to say that everythings a blur when i turned so i cldnt like step forward when i wuz facing throwing dir heh. but then i realised why now. i shld be FEELING instead of thinking. like suddenly yest altho doing drills and super tired but then i cld feel when my right feet rested! and and i could actually hear my rhythm now! if only my actual throw could improve =/ i think im the only person who aches everywhere after gym. hrm why arh.. im so weak ah =/ lol dun care la. crap missing trng on thurs cuz of geog class i thot 26th wuz friday! dammit. ugh. lol im so committed now. i've neva been like this before. i mean i wuz hdwking in pri school. but that wuznt like now where i have a target. im so glad i'm given a chance to be able to like smth and committ to it. its been too long since i had that feeling. now i wanna study even harder. must get all a1s. must. at least 7. must. i found the perfect perfect totally perfect plan. i must study hard. contribute in class. and NOT fall asleep. must. i really wanna go pearson. omg. i want it soooo bad. i neva wanted anything this bad.. not that i cld rmb. and im actually willing to work towards it. its like how i felt when i promised myself to commit to trng. theres just like this sense of i must do it feeling. heh. i will hold thru. i hope. omg i really wanna go. im so scared now. what if i dun get it? haha must start planning. it said there are like a few hundred applicants from one single area sometimes. >.< WORK HARDER! i feel so grateful to debra and nadia. if she didnt mention it to me i wldnt have known it existed. gosh. pls let me try my best. and if i dun get it, pls let me be happy for whoeva got it and to still make the best of my life. I REALLY WANNA GOOOOO. im so scared to mention it to anyone. i might go talk to debra tho. since she got in. im too scared i'll only raise my hopes. im super sure my dad will agree. SUPER SURE. mbbe my mum too. but she'll need convincing a lil mbbe. but the finance part is like solved if i get in. oh gosh. lol i betta stop talking abt it. i pissed aar off =P hehe. he blocked me! and i decided to del him today cuz i trust that hes not like me blocking and unblocking him psh. i finally told him that i dun want him to like me. bcuz it just raises my hopes and all but deep down i really think hes just playing with me tho he denies it every single time that sometimes it sounds so convincing cuz he doesnt seem to get mad tho i always say it. but i mean come on. wat person would go like cyber with other ppl if u like someone else? okay at least not me. and wat person would go tell someone that he'll be her slave if he likes someone else? and he says exactly the same thing to the one he likes? and simple question also lie... might be white lie.. but its the most impt thing dun u think? if u cant even be honest abt things that dun really matter, wat more abt huge stuff. heh. and like i kno hes just desperate for company and lonely. i really want to be his fren cuz hes cool and all and i wanna help him outta his stupid im so alone and lonely shit. but like ugh. he keeps asking me stuff like do u think its possible for us to blah blah i forgot liao ahha. oh well. i feel like sending him a mail with more song lyrics. dun want it to end so ugly. and i like sharing songs =) crap im feeling sleepy.. NOOOOO.. still got mngment ws left. and bio to study. gulps. byee =) thanks for always being here to read/listen lol.

'in ur darkest hour, look up and u'll see theres always a star with u' =)

heh had porridge in amk today. super duper nice. except the century egg tasted a lil funny.. hmm really yummy! sigh. those ri guys in my tuition class are a bunch of losers. even noisier than chinleng etc last time. lol sigh. im finally e50.. damn slow. sigh. i hate guys. all liars. smooth talking buncha crap. they play with ur feelings. nods. im smart. hehe. i dun bliv anyone haha. probly why i dun have best frens either.. i dun think many ppl haveeeee... im a jealous freak. FREAK! haha going mad.
stupid aar says he likes me again. sorry i dun bliv all the more now. and hes depressed and stuff. that tugs at my heart tho. i hate ppl feeling sad or depressed. too many around me like that. ugh. serjs keeps calling me cute lol. so funny. anw im going now i forgot wat i wanted to write again...


'in ur darkest hour, look up and u'll see theres always a star with u' =)

ahhhhhhh i cant bliv im sick! i felt like shit yest.
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fish might like a bicycle?bicycle?

heyyyy i realised i got lots to do!! aiyo die liao. see theres zuo wen, waddle reflections, track camp proposal, track camp compile and gather next of kin info, geog envtal degradation 40 marks! 6 LONG questioNs!, geog a3 ws which i dunno where it is now, and plus study for mocks! hahahah die liao. so unprepared. nft la.... and im so undisciplined!!!! no motivation to do work faster. working on house reflections now after staring at the typed "As field captains this year," and thats all. hahaa nvm.. close to finishing yay! i shall go and do and then mbbe blog later. turra! =)

'in ur darkest hour, look up and u'll see theres always a star with u' =)

aiya. is it bad that i wish my mum didnt work sometimes? more like most times? esp now. i keep feeling this way. last time i thot its good cuz she seemed pretty happy. well most times. i hated it when she'll just come home and bitch abt how shitty it wuz. ello... nothing is all smoooth and calm and im sure she knew that.. and since u decided to take it up shuttup! hrm. u think ure the only one with problems? i dun come blabbing to u abt how my classmates are so noisy or how someone is so irresponsible or wat crap. dad bought food home today. one. at like 8+ or 9 two. its yucky. like yucky. im so fugging sick of food. i just seem to eat nowadays cuz i kno i need to eat. then i'll feel so sick after eating. forced myself to finish the disgusting chicken and quite a bit of the rice then gave up. decided i wuz gonna puke my guts out if i ate more. i freaking dun wanna do the stupid 40 mark geog ws. like need 20 points for 10 marks. or some fugging shit. im so tired. haish. im quite uncertain abt my cip. then theres chinese mocks. and chinese Os. and waddle activities/house hours, reflections, netball, stupid pccac. im fugging sick of this shit. i hate it when ppl note every lil thing u say and when ure wrong they come back and ngiau u... stupid stupid stupid. and everyone asks me questions like im supposed to kno all the answers? like i'll kno wat will happen in the future like that kno. haiya. u think im so fugging free to go do ur stupid cca records for all of u is it? had to squeeze in time one u kno. u not happy u go do it urself la. i'll be fine with that. more like overjoyed. fugging shit. why am i so angsty nowadays? sometimes i just feel like boxing the person in front of me. othertimes i just feel like sitting down there and hugging my knees. im becoming so anti. like.. haish. i need to be quieter. quiet.. dun say anything. always smileeee... always tolerate... be patient... i lost my patience today >.< during trng. i just felt so fugging pissed. amanda keeps going on and on abt how we have no juniors THEN U GO RECRUIT LA! she goes on and on abt how track and field booth had like no thrower stuff. THEN U GO COLLABORATE LA. u dun take videos, dun take pics, dun bring ur medals, u dun actively promote ur sport and most imptly U DUN EVEN TRAIN HARD WHO ARE U TO TALK!? seriouslY! u think everything so easy is it? why dun u go do it? u think im so free to cater to ur every will and whim?? fug off! during trng ure always so negative.. and i try so hard not to let it affect me. ure so proud u brought in ally. but ally isnt even half as committed as u! and thats not saying U are committed. and cld u just stop being so fugging biased against trackers??? u were neva a tracker so how the fug would u kno anything abt them! ugh.. i wish the world would just shut up sometimes.. and give me a break... in fact i DEMAND ONE. but i obviously wun get it.
thanks i feel betta now.. sigh wats wrong with me...

'in ur darkest hour, look up and u'll see theres always a star with u' =)

heya. i think i lost some fats around my waist. cant pinch liao. lol... the abs during trng works haha. anw im working super hard now. like gym weight suddenly jump alot haha. had 2.4 on friday. 12.32. not bad i guess. heh. the girl with straight hair from tuition got 1226. wonder wat cca shes in. she didnt look like the kind heh. anw im so sick of ppl treating me like a dispenser. 'wat do we have tmr?' 'wat hmwk due tmr?' ' pencil?' 'jie can i have foolscap?' 'can i 'borrow' a piece of gao zi?' 'can i borrow ur green pen jie?' 'can i borrow ur hole puncher jie?' 'jie do u have another foolscap pad to give me?' aiyooooooooooo.

haish. and and. im so sick of hawker food. esp the coffee shop downstairs. my mum didnt cook for the past few days... when i so wanted to eat homecooked food. so last night i just ate a yami yoghurt. yay today she cooked. haish. i think smths wrong with my appetite. im like eating quite lil some days. dun feel hungry at all. one day i just ate breakfast and then dinner. weird for me. haha oh well. nothing else i can rmb to say. byeee =)

'in ur darkest hour, look up and u'll see theres always a star with u' =)