CNY

Haha. This is a most calamitous lunar new year ever for my family in some ways. My mum sprained her neck, my brother sprained his ankle, and so we cant really go visiting. Thankfully. Visiting is quite a strain, especially when you have to sit there so long in a strange place and find something amusing to do whilst the adults chit chat away. Anyway, not like I have much visiting to do, seeing as to how all my dad's side are overseas and my mums sprained her neck, so we dont have to visit everyone else. Just the maternal grandparents tonight.

Its funny. I got my thing on the first day. Red = Auspicious right? haha or is it just unlucky or am i just thinking too much =P rofl. and i had a bad stomach the whole night plus i felt like vomitting and i woke up at 4am ++ cuz my stomach wuz hurting so bad. Gastric i think. Cuz i didnt eat enough. Reunion dinner wuz too early. Plus i've been sickish the whole time. Abit of flu or sinusitis acting up again I think. Bleh. But its by far the best I feel. I'd rather stay home the whole time =) and SLEEP! and slack ahhaa. but i gotta start doing work sooon =(((( i still got

- Sea hist term paper
- int'l hist term paper
- maths tutorial 13
- econs drq

lalallalaala. i still dislike festive seasons. rofl. this is such a dumb entry. wuznt even supposed to be in such a light mood. ahh well. going to have to cook the zai stuff soon. since my mum cant move her hand much, i have to do it =( haha but then next time when i go overseas i'll kno how to do it! =))

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Panic Maelstrom

I don't want to new year to be here........ But it already is.
I don't want to grow up at all................... But I will in two days.
I don't want to take the As....................... Yeah what then drop out and be a road sweeper??
I don't want to captain the team ............. Woot a great way to go for the gold then huh??
I don't want to take Hist S ....................... So drop it! And don't regret it pfft!
I don't want to have a whirlwind life....... You made your choice, live with it.
I don't want to be scared.......................... But I am...

Suddenly the new year hits and shit hits the ceiling. Tmr school's gonna start. And its not just gonna be school. Hockey, jerseys, sir's book, homework, hist s, gp essay, agm, competition, camp, trials, dsa, trainings, cip, recas, floorball, lectures, tutorials, maths, lit, everything... I'm scared I'll screw up. Really scared. I've shunned responsiblity as much as I could ever since Secondary school after that stint as vhp. Commitment phobia. I've always been a coward, never going all the way for the fear that I'd never measure up. I just want to be a hermit sometimes, stuck and safe in my own small bubble of a world. Drop everything, every darn responsiblity, every darn problem, and live within myself. Of course, I wouldn't dare to. Told you I'm a coward. This year came too soon, I'm not prepared! I'm not ready... Will I ever be ready? Rofl. Nope. I just want to stick myself in this puddle of self-pity and cowardice, and never grow up. Never have to be responsible for myself AND others. Never have to swallow your pride and admit your wrong. Never have to shoulder the consequences. Never have to start thinking for myself about what I want to do, where I want to go... It's so final... Growing up.

I dastardly hope that in a month's, or two month's or even six month's time, I can look back upon my initial depression and panic of the new year and LAUGH the fucking head off it. I'm so scared I'll try too hard and never get it. At least I'm scared. It shows I still give a fuck about my life and everything else. I'm gonna give it my best this year. Gonna stop hiding between what-could-have-beens and what-may-have-beens. Gonna stop shirking the musts, the shoulds and the have-tos. Gonna give every best shot I can and more.

I'm gonna be me.

Welcome to 2006.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~