Friendship

After mindlessly chatting for 2 hours yesterday and screwing up my bed time, I think I'm finally getting it.

Friendship is really a two-way thing, and there's no point in me trying and wanting so bad to be good friends with you again, when you display entirely no desire to be so... Guess it took me a while, but at least now it's finally registering. Some things you can always tell yourself rationally, but emotionally, it's another story altogether.

That said, I guess realisation is the first step - and just gotta keep moving.

---

Aside from that, I think I gotta stop zi zhuo duo qing on the other matter j. Totally please. Conversation is so stilted and superficial, plus he has like ten thousand friends. He's still very attractive though for some reason heh >.<. I think it's the earnestness that I always go for.

Oh well, WAKE UP.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Take One Step Back

Today's probably a good day to trigger off some review of what's going on - in my life and in my head - so far. I think I've needed a wake-up call for some time now, but never really got down to making time for it. IHG's been going on for close to 2 months now? And that's excluding the trainings, which intensified in december last year, making that almost 3 straight months of non-stop sports and commitments. I guess I'm starting to burn out. And it's still not the end yet.

I guess my name's in more team lists than ever this year, but it's starting to feel really empty at times, especially when I cannot really commit to the trainings and even the matches, making me feel like a hypocrite or a fake even. And even for those that I've made the huge effort to attend trainings (like badminton and soccer), I feel even less important and more useless than ever, or at least last year. Sigh. It kept bugging me: What's the point of taking on so many things and making myself so stressed and tired, but I just end up feeling so empty?

A hectic life does not automatically equate to a meaningful life; I think it's high time I stepped back and took heed of what I'm actually doing or promising, and also to ascertain my own limits. Time to re-focus. I'm losing sight of what's really priority, what really are the things that will make or break, and even the who that are important. IHG and hall certainly can be an unforgettable experience, but even then, it's not always one; some end up just being reminders of the pointless trivialities that people often seem mindlessly intent on, but others certainly bring a sense of attachment that I'm sure can be found nowhere else.

I certainly remember the resolution I made almost 4 years ago, after seeing my secondary school life just drift by in a sleepy haze. But as much as I'm stepping up to opportunities now, am I really moving forward? Or walking the treadmill and fooling myself?

For the trainings I attend, I'm missing out on friends. For the matches and carnivals I play, I'm missing out on family. For the saikang work I do, I'm missing out on my studies. As much as I enjoy being a part of hall and contributing, I have to have to remember that I am always a daughter/sister first, a student next and a friend. Most of all, I have to remember that I am but a mere human; and humans have limits.

I guess balance is the key, for I'm certainly not going to give up on hall right now - not when it's halfway through, and not when I might never have another chance at this again. But I definitely have to be more discernible about what I take up and why, because not everything that glimmers is gold and not everything is done with a purpose.

Take one step back, babe. And breathe.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Burnt Out?

Suddenly, the idea of commuting back and forth from home doesn't seem so bad anymore. In fact, it's almost... appealing.

Sleeping 5am two nights in a row doing bloody fucking stupid hall comm stuff is really draining. Especially when there's a response paper due, and IHG every night and trainings or matches everyday.

I never though I'd admit this, but I'm tired. And stressed.

Over stupid trivial stuff that won't really matter in the future, will they?

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

IHG, U21

Gosh, seems the last post was about 2.5 months ago! Guess I've been pretty peachy and busy and way too tired to write anything emo. Haven't really felt emo either; hence the lack of 'business' here.

U21 double champs today. Rocks...! Last year, last chance, and a gold. How much better can it get. The feeling of getting champs (and trashing them at that 5-0) was somehow not as tangible as the look of frustration and sianness on the face of the person who I was man-marking the whole way though. The feeling of doing your job is quite nice. Even though she manages to get away from me the few times that she actually tried to play. Most of the time, I don't know why but she didn't really make all that big an effort yeah... Oh well.

Squash gold too. 21 and I get my first golds. Better than never I guess =)

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~