Then I Saw His Face...

Now I'm a believer! Not a trace.. of doubt in my mind! I'm in loveeee...

Blah. I can't tell if I'm really just fooling the rest so well that I'm fooling myself already.. or maybe.. just maybe... it's for real? I dont kno dont kno dont knoooo!!! Argh. It's like at first it seemed like something more innocent, but I seem to slide deeper and deeeeeeper in. Now I feel like so aware of him and he doesn't know I exist. Haha. Except maybe as one of those irritating j1s... I can't stand this!! Like all my seniors know about it and I'm half afraid that it'll be blown open, yet I'm also curious to know what his reaction will be like.. I'm asking for it man. I already know it won't be a nice reaction, not like R uik's one... Snifff. Zi tao ku chi. Whoaaaa sprouting chinese man. Orals over though. Haha. Anyway guess what.. I think I found out cheeky's add! Like actual add!! Hahaha!!! I wonder what I should do with it... Hmmm...

Gotta pack my bag for the ccal camp at Bintan starting tmr. Sigh not exactly looking forward to it... Why can't I be in the same subgroup as any of my hockey babes man. I should be with my partner! Then we can learn how to tolerate each other and work better together! Sniff... I hope I enjoy the trip... But, I'm in the mood for some relaxing tai-tai overseas retail therapy kinda trip now, not exactly lets-happily-roll-in-the-mud kind...

Oh well. I cant stand this. I love hockey. I love alan. (HA HA you didnt just see that! =/) I love money. I just wish I'd love myself a lil bit more...

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

SQUEAL!

Oh gosh. He's so cute! So... girls-have-cooties-and-are-evil and yet so manly and hot! Whoa! Eeee I sound disgusting... But I really can't help it. Hehe. Omg Omg Omg Omg... And he's convinced that he'll be single for the rest of his life even though he has no prior exp! Yay! =D And he doesn't even talk to the girls in his class, except always hang out with some guy... Oh man. OMG OMG OMG!! And he went down for training this morning! Damn! I should have gone down!

One. I would not have felt so guilty...
Two. I'd have been able to see him!!! ahhhhhhhhhh!

Gosh! CRI is damn cute tooo!!!!! Haha I was swooning my head off when t sai pasted her convo with him. He was trying to console her and make her not feel traumatised!! Lol! How cute and sweet right?! And he was saying how people always like to make up scandals for him! He sounded so lil-boy-lost and bewildered.. Awwwwwww!!! I can't stand this! Fy is so CUTE! ARGH! And he's damn damn damn diva-like. And just.. really real. Hehe. Plus his aerials are DAMN hot!! GOsH! too bad he doesn't use them in the game.. bah!

Anyway I've been in a rather constant bad mood these past few days, mostly due to the history essay hanging over my head and pw. Sigh. Plus I've made horrendously huge mistakes one after another.. First the screwup with playing left half, then forgeting totally about the 5 hour pre-ccal camp briefing, and then not being able to wake up to practice flicks this morning. Bleh. I feel strangled... Still must do well in maths, be able to write a decent essay for History even though I've missed a month's worth of History tutorials and lectures... Plus somehow pass gp common test without studying or sleeping enough... I'm just tired. Tired from the lack of sleep over the past month. Irregular sleeping hours seriously are no good and work no wonders for your long term mental spirits. Sigh. Plus I don't really enjoy hockey all that much now, cuz we tend to play mini-games, then someone's grouchy face and bossy condemning tones would get to happy me, and then I'd start getting irritated! Ugh! Just like today.. Sigh. One day I'm gonna piss her off reallll bad. Then.. UH OH. Sigh.

Great. I just had to end off with a grouchy note, again. Bleh!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

It'seth Uppeth Toeth Youeth

Haha sir is so CUTE! So FUNNY! He was asking why everyone looked so glum and black face ("It Paineth Mine Hearteth To See Thy Blacketh Faces") Or something like that haha. Horrendously Hilarious. We won pjc 3-0 so... we're in the finals!! Double finals against Vjc anw. The guys kicked acjc's ass today too. 4-0 k. And my cool cute and charming buddy made 4 fantastic saves!! He really realllly showed his stuff man! Wahh!

I screwed up majorly majorly today playing left half. Gosh. It was horrid. Every single move was a mistake. Worst thing is, I told sir I could do it when he asked me! And p au was so pisssed with me. So was sir of cuz. And I felt horrible cuz I said I could do it but I didnt! I really thought I had it all figured out. Maybe except the tiny part about executiong in a game. Sigh. Anyway they were all damn nice about it duh. Haha. And sir was so comforting la. I bet my black face was damnn long. Oh no! I cried in front of him tooo!! Shittt. Ugh. Embarrassing. And I didnt realise one of the free hits taken was by Pjc and not us! So I was totally in the wronggg position! Shit man! But this is a learning exp and I will not let it happen ever again. Never.

Homework for the long lovely weekend =)

- History Term Paper
- GPP
- Maths Tutorial 8b
- GP Common Test (!!)

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Boohoo. Schooolll!

Darn! Initially it was said that we didnt have to go to school due to the postponement of today's match to tomorrow morning. But then, apparently its the reverse now. Blah! Shucks! And the j1s had already planned all the movie-watching at J oan's house and swimming and tennis-ing. blehhh. BLEH! Sigh. In any case, I really really realllly hope we'll be a deserving winner for all the semi-final games tomorrow! We = guys and girls. We were so psyched up today! What a waste...

Doesnt help that there's econs tut tomorrow and already I'm slippping into a confused world of my own regarding econs and its essays. I failed and failed and failed. Bleh. Oh gosh. And I gotta wake up super early to catch like the very FIRST bus to reach CCAB at 6.30!! Boohoooo... That's even earlier than the time I wake up!

Stupid painful ------ near my nostril doesnt improve my mood either!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Money Money Money

I'm broke broke broke. And I dont really know why since I havnt been eating all that much... Thus after a short while of analysing (ie like 5 seconds =P) I decided it's the school performances that are draining me. Dramafeste, Press Play, Dance Night, Guitar, Daisy.... Ouch. Calculated to almost about 40 bucks! I just couldnt rmb how much dramafest's tix wuz, so I cldnt calculate the exact amount I've forked out for such stuff. Sigh. DN 2005 tonight. It was.. sadly.. disappointing. I expected so so so much more for some reason... =( In the beginning there were alot of uncoordination. Plus there were technical errors so we couldnt watch a certain video. Then came the irritating low buzz by the sound system, then the harsh spot-lights that made everyone look pretty bad, also the quite poor choice of emcees. It's nothing personal but the script sounded pretty long and the delivery seemed almost mechanical and forced. =/ Oh well. But some dances were pretty interesting. Like the cheongsam dance, breakdancing, j3 dance, syf item, art gym piece. Oh I thought the girl hip hop was not too bad too. =) esp Kat. She's goood. Anywayy the PAC kinda sucks. It's brand new and it's lousy already. bleh! =(

Tmr's ORA. Oh yeah and Joan's bday. I havn't gotten her anything and I don't know if I really am going to... Wondering whether I should go for ORA tmr. Should be pretty interesting I think. After not going for three years, maybe I should really make the effort this year. It's just such a drag getting outta bed, outta the house and to the place.. =( Poooo. Decided to have pizza @ NYP for Joan's dinner. Cuz it fits everyone, its casual and simple, and halal and just.. fits la. bleh. I wonder if I should actually sms all the j1s.. Hmm. I think p au will sms the j2s so should be no problem I hope...!


Need to save money! So I can go for nice meals once a month and not go into debt with myself... snifff. And buy nice earrings whenever I feel like it.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Do =) I =) sound =) less =) fierce =)?

Haha! That was how P au messaged me la! Quite amusing... I keep feeling like she's getting more and more okay with me. But I find it kinda... like.. as in I'm still kinda wary. Cuz it like suddenly happened or something... Hehe. Uh oh. She msged me to tell T sai that the two of us have to go indoor gym for some meeting tmr and that cannot tell anyone...! Shucks. I know this is outta point but can I still join soccer? =( It's like a 413 thing and I always wanted to be soccer goalie! =( Sigh.

Damn funny! I was asking a favour from B randon about T sai and Y w cause stupid T sai was in denial about getting capt/vcapt and I was exasperated so I exclaimed 'You need YW to tell you then u bliv is it?!?!?!" haha then duh she said 'yes' and alot of other stupid stuff that I wont put here just to save her face.. Haha. Then B randon added him to the convo and ran off to watch amazing race! haha quite funny. I hope I can get him to tell her that. Then I can SMIRK my ass off tmr when I see her. Nyahaha. She's so silly. I hate the way they gush and gush over him. ITS DISGUSTING. UGH. Cant stand it.

Uh oh. Better go sleep soon. Got match tmr!! Yahhoooo! Second last match. GULP. Must.. WIN!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

I'm SO Irritating!

Sheesh. I realise that like how many times in just one single day?! Why am I so unlovable and unlikeable? =( Sad stuff. Anyway I'm really shagged today: Had 2.4km run in the morning, then rushed off after class at 2 to join another class for 5 items. (Thankfully E velyn was there to
accompany me! Love you girl... =) And grats on doing so well on all your 5 items! Though you'll probably never read this) Anyway, short corner with the seniors didn't really materialise, since us juniors happily went to the pitch. Then we had a mini-game against the guys! With B enjy as the kayu ref and R ama playing on the girls team. We won k! 4-1! Haha R ama damn funny. Scored our own goal in style man. Pretty funny. I think I spent more time laughing than playing proper. And I threw a few chances away! Sigh. I must improve vision runs! And passes!

Omg my brothers are irritating the hell outta me again with their noisiness. Ugh! I cant wait to get wireless cable plus that sexy new Acer laptop. No more unwanted LOUD SHRIEKING noises, no more stupid non-stop giggling, no more nagging by my mum, no more fighting and nagging my brothers to get off the comp...!

Warning: Next part is a whole segment dedicated to how unlovable I am and unlikeable and just how damn insecure about myself I am... Don't read if disgusted! FOREWARNED!

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Shucks! Not like anyone reads my blog anyway. If YOU ARE READING, pls leave a "Hi! I'm reading!" in the comments area! I feel its damn dumb that I don't dare make known my blog to my friends, even my closest ones. But then again, I don't exactly feel very close to my close friends... It's quite sad... I'm like just one of those insignificant people who come in handy in contributing laughs and attention and making up the numbers... I seldom know what people are talking about, and I can't seem to find my niche kinda people. The people are either too quiet, too nice, too gossippy, too religious, too sensitive, too attention-seeking, too busy with other friends, too likeable, too cute, too popular for me or just.. AIYA! cant stand me. I don't think anyone likes me alot alot alot. The other day when W enyi was talking about H-c and what not, I started feeling a little jealous and sad but really happy for her... I've never experienced such a devotion of friends or like the feeling of belonging into one clique or something. I've just.. always drifted. Drift drift, wander wander, float float... I don't even have a BOYFRIEND to hang around with all the time so I can have an excuse for not having any friends! =( wth.. haiyaa

plus all the friends I have are either irritating/boring/incompatible after a while, or simply have alot of other better friends... I always seem to have a unrequited friendship haha. Seem to like someone more than they reciprocate... I really should stop doing that. Not many people seem to tolerate my silliness too. Or weird UNIQUE taste, unrestrained and stupid imagination and boring unwitty comments. J oyce finds me when she gets bored with I nka and K aren and need someone to talk to for homework and more intellectual stuff. X iaoxuan has her other ny friends and feels uncomfortable with j oyce so I can't hang out with them simultaneously... T sai probably needs me there for like going home or having dinner with or chaperoning trips with K leb Huang/P choo/KC. J oan doesn't like me very much and of cuz I know how much she loves T sai, and she always tells me I stink that now it's ingrained. First thing I think of when I see her is how bad I'm smelling or how sticky I am. B renda is so nice but sometimes she's so blur and whatnot I feel like shaking her but I dont wanna hurt her feelings.. So I just end up getting ughhh. A isyah is so on off on off and anyway I dont feel close to her since most times its about her and advice for her... Wq looks for me when he has girl problems, or is just unhappy... You know once upon a time in your nick you mentioned that you didn't want me to feel just like a comforter. It never struck me before that our relationship was such a case. But even though I constantly assured you its no bother and what not, I realised more and more that it's probably true... W enyi's alot alot nicer and friendlier to me now than compared to the two years we spent in the same class...! She smiles so happily and calls out my name so loudly that it makes my day. I'm so easiliy satisfied huh. But I still get vibes from her that sometimes I'm just plain irritating. True I guess. Esp online la. Cant help it la. Cannot compete with the competition marh =) Haiya oh well. I truly wish sometimes Man could be an island. Things wouldn't get so complicated if human feelings and complexities weren't in the play... Sigh.. Oh well. I'm in a low mood now. Dont feel like ranting no more. Just wanna shut my eyes to the world and myself and drain into the blissful illusion that is sleep... Blissful illusion cuz it makes you think everything's gonna be fine once more and things will look good after you wake up. Then you really get tricked into waking up and bam! Same old story...

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Phew finally done... I don't feel much better now, but already I have a load off my chest... I finally have somewhere to talk about things I've never dared voice to anything, anyone...

There's a match tmr against cjc. Plus a lit test in the morning. At least NAPFA's over. Sometimes I wish I could just take my time and run leisurely for 2.4km and not constantly think of how slow I am... I just wish I'd stop thinking.

Stop. Thinking. Already...

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Old Friends' Rendezvous

I skipped chinese last lesson so that I could like go hang out with W enyi, F aith and T sai. And I went home feeling GREAT! =) Thanks babes! Really really made my day and week and err month? Made me realise how old friends are still the best. We went to Thomson Plaza first, to sit at bk and eat some food. Then after talking and talking, we finally got up to go to Starbucks, cuz W enyi kept bugging us to leave for her coffee fix! But then horrors of horrors! When we went there and there wuznt any Starbucks anymore! Haha so we decided to go back to J8 for the Coffee Bean there. Just sat and talked again. I got a muffin and the others got some drinks. As much as I like the taste of coffee, I'm quite wary about drinking them now, cuz they always seem to result in quite a case of stomach uneasiness for me! We just practically gossipped away. Okay more like the 3 of them gossipped away whilst i listened in as usual. Haha. And they started talking about their lives and the people in them. But majority of the time wuz spent GUSHING over some stupid good-looker in our school. The more they gushed, the more I got bored and disgusted! Haha. I just cant make up my mind about him. I detest his attitude in class and the way people are always staring and gushing abt him. Yuegh. And I totally didn't think he's all that good-looking to be worth the fuss that's made about him man! Initially I thought he was really bad-looking, but then after a while I conceded that he was pretty okay looking, after he cut his hair... Then now again I think he's nothing special at all and worse still I'm beginning to be disgusted with him. I hate lazy ppl. Maybe I'm just jealous of all those people who are so freaking lazy yet brilliant so they get away with it anw... oh well.. shucks. However, towards the end of our lazy chat session, I started warming up towards him, when they were gushing about him again, cuz it seems quite true that he isn't really attn-seeking or poser or trying to act cool at all. Plus he's not very flirty it seems and I started feeling sad for him, cuz he actually seems quite miserable unless he's with his group of friends during break and what not. Poor him =( I feel so motherly again haha.

Anyway, that's mostly what I wanted to blog about. I realised I havn't been very on about all the 413 class outings, mainly outta laziness but I've decided I must start being more enthu! I'm hoping to join girls soccer that Nat worked so hard to set up... I wanna be GOALIE! WOOT! I've always wanted to be a goalkeeper for soccer for some reason. Hehe. Excited!

In any case, I'm gonna leave for training soon at nyp. I love training. I just hope I won't have to pad up as a goalie again. It's quite boring x.x Oh yeah, I better remember to start off earlier, cuz I still have to wear my contacts and look for fbts. Bah. It's so embarrassing to always get suan'd about wearing contacts and the captaincy thing. Embarrassing!!!! J oan wuz so funny tho. The other day after training, she was like "If you take off your contacts I won't talk to you again!" Haha. And T sai and J oan continually lambasted me for wanting to look fugly. Too bad! Thpppt!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

The Life of a Virgin Goalie

Sucks. Sweat dripped and rolled and strolled... Large wet drops of sweat... Uncomfortable chin guard thingy that constantly had me sticking my jaw out just to stop it from strangling my throat. Touching the ball twice. Knowing where the ball is roughly going to but unable to react to it. Boredom. Boredom. Boredom. Sigh. But I won't say outright that I don't like goalkeeping. I won't say I like it either... Still warring with myself. Big sigh. But like everyone said I did a good job today. Im so sure I did! I didn't even touch the ball! And the times there was a shot on goal, it went in so easily... Humdeedum... Nvm la.

Today was rather amusing. I woke up at like 8.26am. SUPER late for school! Haha. But I seriously didnt care. It all turned out for the best though. Since I went to school late, I finished my GPP and Econs Essay and felt sooo good after that! Cuz it wuz properly done and all and I felt so rested for once. -beam- Haiya but then today I still end the day not so happy. I had a nice convo with B randon last night though, both of us trying to do econs essay. And I was in such a happy and high and mothering mood. Haha. Talking abt txh marhhh =) Talking about her brings a smile to my face already... what more to HIS! HAHA.

Trying to do maths assignment 7 on AP/GP now. Failing miserably. Sometimes I feel really dumb and what not. Whats more I think ppl have the general idea that I'm smart and hdwking. Shit. Haha. Oops. Talking to J ustin now. Long time no talk man! I'm slowing feeling slightly less moody. Don't know why I'm feeling moody too. Lol. Weird...

Sigh.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

All cuz of the lousy weather...

Haha I woke up late for my PW meeting and I was grumbling away to myself. My mum got a lil peeved and asked me to stop blaming the weather for this and for that. But the weather really sucks! I'm either sweating like a pig, or my nose is running constantly or it's blocked and dry and I can't sleep properly! It sucks to be like sickish now... At the start of season man! Ugh. Just as Seb just said "you got the worst timings ever man" Haha though he meant that everytime I talk to him on msn, he's always unavoidably not available. Oh well. =P

Sat's training was at NYP and Sir apparently went trekking somewhere in M'sia. Sounds exciting, wonder where exactly it was at and what it entailed. Anyway so poor us were left in the scary hands of... W hui and P au! GULP. Haha no la. But at first they really REALLY freaked us all out! What.. "8 rounds around the pitch, TIMED" and "SUICIDE runs on the track after that" then "agility test last half an hour" ?!?! Everyone was like so.. solemn and glum and no one wanted to be the first to moan out loud. Then! It turns out they jacked us... -.-'' Everyone erupted into noisy, laughing relief! Lol. Quite amusing. Sadly, we didn't get to play much that training though we had the pitch for like 2 hours. Seemed so short! Did passes, long corner, switches and didn't get to do short corner/mini-game or 6v6 for j1s =( Oh! And something weird happened that day! I got praised by P au! I was like -blinkblink- but I just said thank you anyway. Haha. I went to ask B elle what I did right, cuz I really really didn't know... She just mumbled like "intercepts, tackles.." Haha sounded so convincing =P Then! Tsai said that even A isyah and L anda said I did good that day. Something's weird... Some conspiracy to boost my ego or something? No idea man. Then L anda even text'd me to tell me that and take care and rest well. Whoa man! In any case, whatever good things I did, I sincerely hope I'll repeat it many many many more times in games and at trainings too! I can't wait for more hockey. Saturday whetted my appetite for more since we didn't get to play much. =/

Long weekends aren't all that joyous at times. Teachers give you slightly more homework since "you have the long weekend to do it anyway! dont complain! dont bargain!" and yet, it seems shorter than a normal weekend! Bah! Just came back from PS, trying to get myself to do my PI and SEA essay and Econs Assignment (ESSAY) and GPP and Maths Assignment. OMG...! I just realised thats ALOT! Shit! BYE!

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~