R.I.P.

R.I.P.

6 April 2008 - 17 August 2008

---

Sad how last night was probably the first time we talked, really talked, ever since we got together. A tinge of regret and disappointment - for what it could have been but wasn't - but a big part relief I guess, that the stringing out is over.

Darn, now I gotta brace myself to start announcing to people that it's o-v-e-r. Not really over when it's over huh.

I still wonder how we got everything so wrong, practically right from the start. What a waste lol. Almost a joke.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

21 Good Advice

21 Good Advice
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the> only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,> smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for> others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Frustration Reigns

I don't know why I keep trying, and denying that I try. But each time I try and fail, it hurts more and hardens me even more. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm one part sad, one part reluctant for it to just end, 3 parts pissed off, 4 parts irritated and very frustrated, 5 parts at a loss and 8 parts just wanting to give up. 2 parts has me wanting to throw a tantrum, but 3 parts knows I can't or just keeps trying not to anyway.

I really really want to move on, but I don't know how to -- gracefully anyway. I kinda even half want to break down just to get it over with, no matter how ugly.

Part of me just really wants to cry, because I already am anyway -- inside at least.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Wearied

Mambo last night was fun; but awkward at some points, especially towards the end...

I'm really getting tired of this. I feel like I'm strung out, waiting to be plucked and the tension is getting to me. It's only been a week since I've been back, but it definitely feels longer. I've always been a pretty black-and-white person, all-or-nothing. And this gray, gray matter is just really grating on my nerves. I really need to resolve it, otherwise it just won't get outta my head -- 24/7.

I always feel an inch closer to quitting this game; but then I'll start wondering if I'm too hasty and should be more forgiving, so that takes half an inch back. Sigh. This back-and-forth tango in my mind is just killing me; what a marked difference to the stangnance of our relationship.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Goodbye My Love; Better as a Memory...

Goodbye My Love

Goodbye My Love 我的爱人 再见
Goodbye My Love 相见不知哪一天

我把一切给了你
希望你要好好珍惜
不要辜负我的真情意

Goodbye My Love 我的爱人 再见
Goodbye My Love 从此和你分离

我会永远永远爱你在我心里
希望你不要把我忘记
我永远怀念你温柔的情
怀念你热乎的心
怀念你甜蜜的吻怀念
你那醉人的歌声
怎能忘记这段情

我的爱在现
不知哪日在相见

---

Goodbye Bryce Canyon, Goodbye... This summer 08 has definitely made me stronger and just a little wiser, a little braver and hopefully a little bit more foolish with courage to step out beyond self-constructed boundaries. When I first left for the programme in mid-May, I was emotionally confused, awashed with all the self-doubts and cynicism as I dealt with a new part of my life -- relationships. But now, coming back 2 and a half months later, I feel stronger within and ready to tackle whatever lemons life throws at me once again. It's hard to describe how thankful and glad - to say the least - I am for this summer to have happened the way it has. I feel like I've grown, and not just by myself, but with my friends too. It's pretty amazing what life can turn out to be like.

I went there alone, not sure what to expect and not wanting to expect anything, because recently, it seemed like expectations just built you up to fall. But then came friends, a solid group of friends that welcomed me into their arms with an openness and kindness that I am still thankful for -- a group of friends I am sure I will keep for years to come. Then came the work experience, and a wonderful wonderful working environment. Light-hearted but efficient working environment; and a fantastic manager who cares for each and everyone's welfare and preferences. Then there was the people with the same interests in hiking, camping and the likes. People who weren't afraid to be themselves, and who showed me how to be not afraid to express myself as me. And the opportunity to work in a large company as that, to open my eyes to see how things might or might not work -- this was invaluable to say the least, especially seeing how little working world contact I have so far. And of course, I definitely cannot miss this out -- that one special person, who made this summer so so so... indescribable. To him, I thank the most. For he made me believe in myself again, and love myself again, and most importantly, learn to accept another part of myself that I've been struggling to incorporate into my persona thus far -- the girl in me. His company -- whether silent, moody, sarcastic, mean or just plain funny -- unexpectedly brightened all my days, to the extent that somehow it came to be that any day felt incomplete without him. Unconsciously, I began to look out for him everywhere, because with him, there was a security and acceptance that I've never really felt before. He was so caring, so ... loving almost and just always there for me. I can be happy with him, mean, or even sad -- something I've never really been able to do with anyone else except my closest girlfriends. Maybe it was the limited time, maybe it was the work of summertime, but whatever it was, it was magical.

Part of me cannot help but wonder how it would have been if I was there longer. But life goes on, and all I know is that I've left a piece of heart behind -- behind in Bryce Canyon with its ponderosa pines, brilliant red hoodoos and the magical summer that this has been. And with him...

Perhaps everything is better as a memory, but I cannot help but hope that this is not the last page for us. May we meet again sometime -- as friends or maybe even more -- and may it be magical again.

But till then, goodbye Bryce Canyon; goodbye ... and thank you. <3

---
~开不了口~

才离开没多久就开始　担心今天的你过得好不好
整个画面是你　想你想的睡不着

嘴嘟嘟那可爱的模样　还有在你身上香香的味道
我的快乐是你　想你想的都会笑

没有你在我有多难熬(没有你在我有多难熬多烦恼)
没有你烦我有多烦恼(没有你烦我有多烦恼多难熬)
穿过云层　我试着努力向你奔跑爱才送到　
你却已在别人怀抱

就是开不了口　让她知道
我一定会呵护着你　也逗你笑
你对我有多重要　我后悔没　让你知道
安静的听你撒娇　看你睡着　
一直到老

就是开不了口 让她知道
就是那么简单几句　我办不到
整颗心悬在半空　我只能够　远远看着
这些我都做得到　但那个人已经不是我

The song that made me tear silently inside as we left...
So fitting.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~