Oh gosh... I just typed a whole bunch and somehow I clicked temporarily allow popups and tada... The page refreshed by itself! So smart! Damn... I shall not repeat whatever I said. So horrid... sigh. Stop conspiring against me! Hehe. Anyway reached home like 10 + after video, training and dinner. Had dinner with kim (miss her much!) and t sai (who actually just sat and watched after her sakae sushi buffet lunch!! sniff) and p au and b elle! Rather enjoyable actually =) Some stranger at the stall I was buyin food from, mentioned that I eat quite alot! Haha and I found out that I'm not the only one who's hungry 24/7 and eating alot! =) Nice to find comrades eh? I'm always whining to x iaoxuan that I'm hungry and she'll laugh and smile and go ''again?!'' haha!

Fitness test yesterday. I really really need to up my stamina a whole lot! I was so slow... and actually the feeling at the end of the run was pretty damn good. Havn't felt like that in really really long. Never really had to push myself in runs in recent times. I really should start running again and get back my love for it. Maybe I can tone down this huge slab of muscle + fat leg of mine. Pfft. I wonder why it balloooneeed. I must run more! Just wondering how to fit it in now though. Hehe! Still need to do work know... speaking of which, I should just plain stop avoiding work and start now! NOW! Let's prioritise....

1) Lit: One liners - Monday
2) Lit: Compare and contrast ToF and Wood-pile (with joyce and?) - Monday
3)Chinese: Blue Book all the part 2s - Next friday
4) GP performance task: Facts and Stats (With Jo Germaine Wangtien) - Friday 15th April
5) SEA History: 3 Readings + Qn - Monday
6) Maths: Tutorial 6 Functions - Monday
7) Maths: Tutorial 5 Transformation - Monday
8) Econs: Tutorial Wksht 1 - Tmr!

Oh yeah. Forgot to mention the surprise skills test today. Tested speed of hits, push and scoring ability. I sadly note that I scored a 1 outta 9 for the goals. None of my centre goals were accurate! This sucks! Oh well. And my hits werent too good cuz too nervous I guess. Rankings out tomorrow. It shall inspire me to work harder! Oh yeah I have yet another list to make. It should help me with focusing on how to study and what to catch up on for lessons.

- Copy notes for DRQ
- Copy notes for missing part of Elasticity (PES)
- Make a list of Chinese terms learnt and their meaning
- Make notes for topics learnt in Maths
- Make summary notes for Econs: The Central Problems of Economics, Demand and Supply
- Make notes for Econs: Essay skills
- Consolidate notes for Literature
- Write a kickass essay for Int'l History so that anytime I need to refer back for facts and stuff, it's all in one piece of paperrr! (-smug grin-)

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

I slept through most of my classes today. If I was not physically sleeping, I was mentally snoring. Worse still, today's lessons just had to end at 5pm... Exhausting. Partly my fault though;So should not have stayed up the night just to read a book. Entertaining Angels was a lovely lovely read though! Really glad I spotted the book. Reading another good buy at the moment -The Sacking of El Dorado by Max Brand. It's a collection of Western short stories by him, supposedly the ''world's most celebrated Western writer''.

Feeling really sleepy, in fact I fell asleep on the couch just now, whilst reading... Trained a little today but didn't do much actually. Was mainly a session for the goalkeepers. The new one's really good, amazingly light and fast on his feet. Amazingly because he's rail thin and stiffy looking! Lol! How I underestimated the speed of his reflex, conditioned for four years too! I'm really desperate for some sort of financial accounting. Money money money... Where art thou draining off to? I'm going on a money-saving scheme! Else I'll lose 1000$ a year again like the first year I got my ATM card. Stupid fool but I don't regret it cuz there was joy of spending and learning my lesson. It's rather hard to save nowadays too, cuz actually I dont spend much on stuff other than food. With the hectic training schedule in place now, and the constant rush of homework, lessons and just-who-knows-what-else, I definitely need food to keep my alert, keep me un-lethargic and basically keep me sane. Plus, I've never liked to stinge on food. If it's damn satisfying, and I can afford it (even if the price is relatively high), its considered cheap. If it cost me a few cents, and spoilt my day, I feel like I threw a few tens away. Heh. Extreme like that.

Now, I'm getting off and into my beddddd. Lovely lovely lovely. Maybe I'll have a list of to-dos first...

1) Lit one-liners
2) Lit: Compare ToF with The Wood-pile
3) Chinese Holiday Homework
4) Chinese Blue Book
5) Maths Tutorial 6, Qns 1-5
6) SEA History readings
7) SLEEP

Awwww... heck about the rest! I'll just do number 7... =D

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Happy 15th Birthday!

Today's my brother's birthday, and already, he can't get up in time to go to the place of his choice for lunch. Hehe. I realised that I have loads of homework and prepatory work now that I'm going back to rj. Even though I'm changing classes, I'll probably get back the same History teachers, thus I have 3 bulk of readings to do and some assignments. Bleh.... I don't seem to have enough time, with all the orientation, trainings, and birthday meals. Speaking of which, I blew a cool $21 yesterday at Swensen's even though my meal probably only cost 18 or 17. I still have to clean my half-cleared-up room and start files for each of the subjects.

Oh! I saw this lovely Nike duffle bag yesterday! It's positively stunning, the first of which I've ever seen in a nike range. Hah! I can't decide if its gray or baby blue though. Seems more blue to me, and they only have it in that colour so far. But I love the compartmentalised yet compact design. Its a shoulder bag though. And I think I can fit my shin guards and dirty clothes in to this cute compartment that opens from the side. It can also expand sideways! Awww... too bad I'm not so in love with the price of... $82.95. Sniff.. =(

Time to go for lunch, then to the bank if there's time to sort out my poor state of finances, then to tuition and hopefully back to cleaning my room or history notes.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

I only seem to post when I have a loadful of unhappiness to dump, that I cant seem to dump on anyone... Sometimes I really wonder whether I should always hold back all the negative but truthful things I want to say to my friends, but never find the courage to... Even when I feel hurt at some action or inaction of theirs, I plaster this encouraging smile on my masked face and cajole them that ''Everything's fine and dont worry!''. In truth, each time something like that happens, it always appears that they are the ones who are more worried and upset than me. And the job of consolation falls to me once again.

Many times I wonder anew at the pointlessness of friends, especially since I never seem to tell them anything that bothers me. I'm trying harder now, but they have to win my trust first I guess. ''Once bitten twice shy'' really applies to me;each time someone lets me down in a certain circumstance, I will try my best to avoid that situation in future. T sai complained that I never ever ask her out, but... there was a period of time which I tried, and each time I got turned down due to whatever reasons, some even pathetic... Does it hurt to try? Definitely. In any case, she's a busy girl no matter how she denies it. Since I usually know of her plans beforehand, there never seems any time to slot me in. I still see her alot though, with trainings, j1 bonding sessions and what not... So, what's there to complain about? Heh.

I really miss P eixun... Especially earlier on, when I in my blissful ignorance, thought that practically everyone will be present at Marche tomorros, only to find that I'm wrong. I was a bit peeved at many pathetic excuses like ''I've been going out too much'', ''I dont feel like going'', ''Want to sleep in la'' and ''I'm broke'' and in my blatant disapproval of these people, I suddenly thought of Px and decided with so much surety that it surprised me a lil, that she will definitely feel the same way as I did. Even though I'm dirt broke too, having withdrawn like $130 ++ this week alone, I am still going tomorrow because I will not have her celebrate her bday with NO juniors at all... Just in case it happens, which I'm sure theres actually a huge possibility of...

I have not much regrets so far, after making my choice yesterday at 2.49 pm. But already, I'm feeling pangs of dissatisfaction even though today is a Public Holiday and thus I have no school. I felt great yesterday during training, because I didn't realise how much I actually missed hockey! But as usual, I started feeling left out again.. Sucks to have an odd number of people. But that's just my lame excuse to justify my friends and my denial.. Heh. In the og, I usually felt left out. In class, I'm drifting between ppl. Same way in my CCA... I get along fine with most others, but I don't have anyone to cling on to really... Whereas in tj, I somehow never really felt left out even in my cg or even when px was talking to others ahead of me or something. We were all quite included... Or maybe I just never let myself feel left out... Maybe the new environment and starting afresh was what I needed exactly... I never really got to start afresh because I knew people in the school and being from that certain school, there was an image and standard of behaviour...

Looking back now, my choice was definitely tampered by all those disappointed faces I could count... However, now I wonder if they really were worth it. Maybe I should have been stronger, braver, and calmer... But I was afraid that the amazing friendship I had with her wouldnt last. I was afraid I'd start missing hockey alot, and Sir and the seniors... And afterwards, I was afraid that I'd let Sir down because apparently he helped pull me in. With the appeal, meant more pressure, changed classes, making new friends, but happiness? I'm not so sure... Never was at the start and not now either... I know I'll do my best to make the best of the situation and be happy, but ultimately when I'm down, I hope I remember that I chose this path because of the end I had in mind. They say branding helps in the procurement of scholarships, and I do believe that. This is but two years, this is a means to an end, this is just a journey... But still I wonder if I could have got the scholarship on my own, if i had taken the lesser known path... And I wonder if I will get the scholarship on this path even. Lol reminds me of Frost's ''The Road Not Taken''.

I really miss P eixun. I know she'll be happy tho. Attagirl! =)

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~

Shall be expedient. Reading wonderfully written blogs inspired me to evoke the umpteenth attempt to be as such... However, re-reading my blog has led me to conclude one unmovable fact - that I have no vocab, no grammatical structure and no maturity of thought. Oh. And no patience to write down everything that goes through my head; note down anything that goes on in my life; nor pin down the memories that flash by moment by moment.

It's the March holidays now and first four days from Friday, 11th, were staked by Hockey Camp 2005. I miss the food, the company, the silliness, the stink even =P Lol! Oh well. Been to Joan's three-storey, wood and glass penthouse twice in two days. Or three. Sometimes I inextricably wonder what's it like to be amnesiac seeing how I'm already forgetting recent stuff. Yesterday's memories blur with yester-year's, as dreams do with reality... (This is... fascinating. Restraining the use of ''Cool'', ''Great'', Singlish and bimbotism. ) Played pool with T.sai finally and she nearly thrashed me in the second game. We are unbelievably sllooooowwww pool players, completing a mere two games in slightly over an hour. Tsk. Heh. =)

A few more boring and unnecessary details of my existence. Okay. Life. I don't merely exist, at least in my opinion, thankfully. LIke so many others, I try to live my life following the hackneyed motto of ''No Regrets! (Not major ones anyway)" AND, most importantly, I kid myself that I am indeed living life to the fullest.... Carpe Diem! Aww fine...! I'm just being harsh on myself and seeking avenues to make my writing sound cryptic, mature and just full of hoity-doity nonsense. =) Okay the hourglass marked 'Patience' has ran outta sand. Darn. Another futile futile futile attempt at blogging.

Horrendously laughable.

~ st*rcr*ss*d ~